Two Frogs in a Milk Churn

Two frogs

This is the story of two frogs. One frog was fat and the other skinny. One day, while searching for food, they inadvertently jumped into a milk churn. They couldn't get out, as the sides were too slippery, so they were just swimming around.

The fat frog said to the skinny frog, "Brother frog, there's no use paddling any longer. We're just going to drown, so we might as well give up." The skinny frog replied, "Hold on brother, keep paddling. Somebody will get us out." And they continued paddling for hours.

After a while, the fat frog said, "Brother frog, there's no use. I'm becoming very tired now. I'm just going to stop paddling and drown. It's Sunday and nobody's working. We're doomed. There's no possible way out of here." But the skinny frog said, "Keep trying. Keep paddling. Something will happen, keep paddling." Another couple of hours passed.

The fat frog said, "I can't go on any longer. There's no sense in doing it because we're going to drown anyway. What's the use?" And the fat frog stopped. He gave up. And he drowned in the milk. But the skinny frog kept on paddling.

A little while later, the skinny frog felt something solid beneath his feet. He had churned the milk into butter giving him something to help him hop out of the vat and to safety.



In this story the fat frog believes that there is no use, “it’s Sunday and nobody’s working” that they “were just going to drown”. I wonder how he come to that decision?

Have you ever wondered how you make decisions? You know the ones such as the instant ones, whether to ring a friend or get a drink; others that require some thought, like what you are going to do later or how you are going to get from A to B; to those that need more effort, like where to go on holiday or which car to buy, where to live etc.

We make decisions every day and generally without thinking about how we make them, but have you really thought about it? I mean really ever thought about HOW you make them?

If you are anything like me, then you won’t have done….you just make them. And yet it can be a powerful thing to understand.

So, yes we will reason, learn all the facts, take into account practicalities and weigh up choices before making that decision…all very important stuff, but all that is doing is providing you the evidence for your decision, it is not the decision itself…does that make sense? A decision is actually that split second moment where you are still deciding and then you move to having done so. In that fraction of time, something else has helped us make the final decision.

In the story above, the fat frog made a decision that they were “doomed”, and certainly there was a possibility that they were, but the real issue was that he made a decision to give up. But based on what?

Behind our decision making, there are a number of complex processes that takes place within the body, which involves our beliefs (the rules we live by), our values (what is important to us), our emotions and our own past experience.

Beliefs (or the rules we live by) then, tend to have been learnt during our lifetime and they are very powerful as they do not tend to be based on reality, just something that we hold to be true. They may not even be our own beliefs, just ones we have inherited from other influential people in our lives and that may not always be a good thing!

In most cases our beliefs work well for us, (fire will burn, the sun is warm, our family love us) but as in the case of the Fat Frog, sometimes they do not.

During my training as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, we were shown 3 types of belief issues that may arise when seeing clients:

·         Hopelessness – Where a person believes a positive outcome is not possible, so why  even try

·         Helplessness – Where a person believes that they are not able to do something

·         Worthlessness – Where a person believes they don’t deserve something/someone and then sabotage anything that may prove the belief wrong.

Part of our role as a Cognitive Hypnotherapists is to get to those underlying unhelpful beliefs that may no longer working for  the client and explore different ways in helping the client to change them. Beliefs that can result in decision making may not be full of confidence, may cause undue stress and anxiety or comes from low self esteem.

In my Journey’s of Discovery series, I look at the different ways we react in our world, including decision making. If you would like to know more come along to the event on 1^st November in Basingstoke, check out the details here https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/279363592183467/ . Alternatively you could call me now on 07843 271 249 to discuss how we might be able to work together or just like  my FB page to keep up to date with what is going on https://www.facebook.com/#!/KimSearleHypnotherapy

Who can forget Matt Lucas’ Hypnotist character Kenny Craig and his immortal words  “Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around my eyes, look into my eyes….you're under “

Most people’s impressions of hypnotherapy, comes from similar stage and TV shows, as well as from the idea of an old man using a pocket watch to induce a hypnotherapeutic trance.

"So what is hypnotherapy?" I am asked frequently. 

Whilst I cannot remember the first time I was hypnotised formally, I do know that the hypnotic state (also known in the trade as a trance) is one that I and many others, easily move in and out of on a regular basis during the day.

You know what I am talking about, particularly when I say have you ever found yourself having driven for several miles without being aware of doing so.

Or maybe you have been so engrossed in doing something you had no idea where the time has gone?

Perhaps you have been concentrating on what you were doing, and someone has said something that made you jump, because you have been completely unaware of what is going on around you.

This is the altered state or trance which results when a person narrows their focus of attention.

I like to close my eyes when I am hypnotised, purely  because I can focus on what is being said and to limit the distraction of everything around me, but I have seen people who prefer to keep their eyes open, only closing them once they feel comfortable to do so. 

Usually there is some form of induction, (although this is not always necessary) that helps the client relax and to get in the right state. This might be something like "And as you sit there with your eyes closed, you can begin to relax, noticing your breathing, in...and out and with each easy breath in you can begin to ...." once the client is relaxed, a Cognitive Hypnotherapist (my particular training of hypnotherapy) will then move onto the desired positive states that has been discussed with you.

They say that your mind is like a parachute - best when open, and in this instance it is true. 

Whilst your conscious mind keeps busy with what is being said (your desired state, using your words), your unconscious mind focuses on the meanings that are relevant for you and this is what makes it completely unique for you - clever eh? And this approach works for most things, more happiness, greater peace, calm, relaxation, more confidence, less stress, anxiety, as well as typical issues such as phobia's and habits etc.

To end the session, you will either be counted back into the room, or something like "and with each deep breath  you take you can feel more energised and ready to come back to the now"

Contrary to popular opinion, you are in control at all times. I have been known to open my eyes to discuss something that came up during a  session, and after having dealt with it, closed my eyes re-entering a state of relaxation.

Responses to the hypnotic state can vary from  drifting away to somewhere very lovely, to remaining conscious all the way through.

Invariably, the hypnosis may not seem long enough!

KimSearleHypnotherapy

How to be put off...Kayaking

It started as a beautiful day...I managed to get up in good time and in good spirits, as I headed out to the venue where I was going to have my introductory kayaking session.

I had been kayaking a few years back, a crowd of us, paddling along the river Thames near Reading. That was also a lovely day. We took some drinks with us and some snacks and paddled up the river for a few hours. It was idyllic; as cruise boats sailed past us, smaller punts, and even other rowers…the river was very busy. I am not sure now how far we went, but we even went through a lock which was possibly the scariest part, as we remained in our kayaks along with the larger boats.

So I had no reason to think this experience would be any different.

As I arrived at the canal, early for a change, I had time to take in my surroundings. The trees were beautifully green, and the grass was a healthy colour too, after the rains we have had recently. There were signs about the local bat community, which I read with interest having been on a bat walk some years ago. Nearby, a man was preparing his boats for the cruises that take place along the canal, starting up engines, removing covers, bringing them to life. Sounds of a day beginning.

As I enjoyed the tranquillity of being near water, I noticed I was not quite in the right place, because over to my right, further along the canal, I could see that some boats had appeared on the bank. So I headed up towards them, and then saw a building that was obviously where all the kayaks were stored. In front were 2 women, one of which immediately addressed me “are you kim?”  I was in the right place and there was one other woman it seemed who was going to join me in the taster session.

The instructor/coach was very good, she showed us how to make sure the bung was in the kayak (this ensured that water could be let out of the boat at the end of the session, so consequently was important to make sure no water got in either!); how to move the footplate so that our legs were firm against the sides of the boat; how to get in (easy when on solid ground!) and how to hold the paddles.

After this we were ready…together we helped each other take the boats down to the water’s edge. There was a small pier onto which the instructor showed us to first lay the paddle down within reach of the water, before moving the boat between the paddle and the water’s edge, but still on the pier. We were then to step down onto the pier and slide the boat into the water. So far, so good.

Then the time came to get in…ah! My first challenge. I knew that since I was last in a kayak my proportions were somewhat greater, but I knew that I had done it before with no problems; surely this would be no different?

Well, not entirely true, as it turned out. The idea was to put your feet either side of the kayak and then lift yourself in quickly. Fear was building, and as a consequence, I made an inelegant entry into the boat which rocked just a little more than I would have liked. Only slightly wet, I was at least in the water! Pushing away from the bank with my paddle, I moved into the centre of the canal. Up close the water was less than inviting. Very murky, brown/green algae clearly making up most of the content.

“Ok” says the instructor, “remember if you tip over, stay in your boat until you are upside down and then come out”. Now that seemed easier to say than do, I thought looking at the water, I can’t open my eyes under water in the local pool, never mind in this water, so there was not much chance of doing that here! I just prayed I stayed upright!

Well I sort of did…my challenge it would seem was to go in a straight-line. I was paddling really well…but in circles! As I moved down the canal doing very fancy circles, I was at least beginning to enjoy myself, imagining when I would be one of the proficient ones, enjoying some time on the canal. Only I must have got a little too confident, because I did something, and even now I am not sure what, and the boat did start to tip…just as I started to panic…that water was soooo not inviting. Whole swathes of water entered my boat with me, and I became drenched from the waist down…but the boat steadied itself and I was saved. “You’re alright! That happens” shouted the coach to me from further down the canal where my fellow student was taking to kayaking like a duck to water…staying upright, and going in a straight line. Whilst I was struggling to go in a straight line, I was beginning to wonder what I was doing…was I enjoying this…not as much as I had before, it seemed and that near miss had meant that now I was tense in case it happened again, suddenly my experience was a little less than enjoyable. Then the instructor, clearly seeing I needed help,  let down some small device that acted as a rudder – and this made all the difference! I was now going in a straight line, and the sloshing of water around my feet, didn’t bother me any more –I was really kayaking and began to enjoy myself again!

We paddled around a small island before heading back to the pier.

And then it hit me – I had to get out!

Panic set in, I knew even from my previous experience, this was not a pleasant moment, and I needed help and there was none here! “ Don’t worry” the instructor shouted after giving the instructions of what to do, “ the worst thing that can happen is you fall in”. She had no idea how much that was the worst thing!

I was closest to the bank, so I was to go first. Bringing the kayak up to the pier’s edge, I gripped the front of the opening where I sat, and tried to find a way where I could hold the pier and pull myself out….this is where, I found that combination of lack of arm strength and excess weight played against me…I did not have what it took to lift myself out! More encouragement from the water, was not helping me. I couldn’t find a way of pulling myself out, without making a complete tit of myself…but that was much better than falling in the water. So I launched myself out of the kayak and I now understand what the saying ‘a beached whale’ must really be like – I was on my knees, my bum proudly in the air, my hands grabbing for purchase between the planks, and my right cheek firmly on the pier. But I was safe! I had done it! Unceremoniously maybe, definitely undignified, and a complete lack of grace (which my fellow student managed with some aplomb – grrrr).

But despite that, I felt good about having just completed my taster session. I had been humiliated, soaked and in fear but I had done it!

We wrapped up the session wiping down the boat, and after we had put them away, the instructor pointed to a water tap and said “ you must always wash your hands afterwards”. She should have stopped there, I would have been ok with that, ignorance is bliss and all that. I knew what the water was like, I didn’t need any more, but clearly she hadn’t finished…” you have to do this, because of rat’s wee” she said nonchantly “ they carry a potential virus, which could be quite nasty, so washing your hands is the most important thing you must do when you finish.” Her happy go lucky smile face asked “Will we see you next week?” I went pale before wanting to flee to the showers, to remove all my clothing, and scrub myself thoroughly.

It was the mention of rodents that did it, up to that point, all my training could be brought to bear on the confidence of getting in and out of the boat, of the fear of dealing with being submerged in that water….but the idea of rat’s,  urine and viral infections did it. I would not be going back. I felt tainted – yuck -my kayaking days were well and truly over before they started.

Am off now to find another water sport, where I can forget the idea of rat’s, rodents or any other small creatures.