Tuesday 30 October 2012

Who Do You Think You Are? Updated

I have been preparing for the first in my series of workshops called Journey's of Discoveries, "Who Do You Think You Are?" starting on Thursday 1st November in Basingstoke.

In this first one, I am going to talk about personality types and how we all differ.

We are each of us unique, and whilst this evening looks at just one model of how we can measure this, (based on Myers Briggs Type Indicator) there are so many ways that we can we differ.

Myers Briggs, (a mother and daughter psychologist) used Carl Jung's theory of archetypes and developed  a more usuable format for everyday life by identifying 4 key preferences

  • How we re-charge our batteries
  • How we communicate with the world
  • How we make decisions
  • How we live our life.
Within each of these areas, there are 2 opposites ends of a spectrum and altogether Myers Briggs suggest there are 16 'types' which enable us to identify our preferences.

And it is here that I issue my own health warning! Any model that tries to 'pigeon hole' us, say who or what we are should be used with caution, as it can only ever be a guideline. We are, each of us , complex human beings, and always much more than any model says we are. For example, for many of us, who we are as parents maybe different to the person we are at work or  when with  friends. It really does beg the question "Who do you think you are?"

We had a brilliant evening walking through our different preferences and discussing how we work, and just as importantly how others do! Fortunately the group was large enough to have some of each type which made it more interesting.

If you would like to find out what your preference is for each of these, then drop me an note and I will send you out the questionnaire.

Sunday 14 October 2012

Two Frogs in a Milk Churn

Two frogs
This is the story of two frogs. One frog was fat and the other skinny. One day, while searching for food, they inadvertently jumped into a milk churn. They couldn't get out, as the sides were too slippery, so they were just swimming around.

The fat frog said to the skinny frog, "Brother frog, there's no use paddling any longer. We're just going to drown, so we might as well give up." The skinny frog replied, "Hold on brother, keep paddling. Somebody will get us out." And they continued paddling for hours.

After a while, the fat frog said, "Brother frog, there's no use. I'm becoming very tired now. I'm just going to stop paddling and drown. It's Sunday and nobody's working. We're doomed. There's no possible way out of here." But the skinny frog said, "Keep trying. Keep paddling. Something will happen, keep paddling." Another couple of hours passed.

The fat frog said, "I can't go on any longer. There's no sense in doing it because we're going to drown anyway. What's the use?" And the fat frog stopped. He gave up. And he drowned in the milk. But the skinny frog kept on paddling.

A little while later, the skinny frog felt something solid beneath his feet. He had churned the milk into butter giving him something to help him hop out of the vat and to safety.



In this story the fat frog believes that there is no use, “it’s Sunday and nobody’s working” that they “were just going to drown”. I wonder how he come to that decision?

Have you ever wondered how you make decisions? You know the ones such as the instant ones, whether to ring a friend or get a drink; others that require some thought, like what you are going to do later or how you are going to get from A to B; to those that need more effort, like where to go on holiday or which car to buy, where to live etc.

We make decisions every day and generally without thinking about how we make them, but have you really thought about it? I mean really ever thought about HOW you make them?

If you are anything like me, then you won’t have done….you just make them. And yet it can be a powerful thing to understand.

So, yes we will reason, learn all the facts, take into account practicalities and weigh up choices before making that decision…all very important stuff, but all that is doing is providing you the evidence for your decision, it is not the decision itself…does that make sense? A decision is actually that split second moment where you are still deciding and then you move to having done so. In that fraction of time, something else has helped us make the final decision.

In the story above, the fat frog made a decision that they were “doomed”, and certainly there was a possibility that they were, but the real issue was that he made a decision to give up. But based on what?

Behind our decision making, there are a number of complex processes that takes place within the body, which involves our beliefs (the rules we live by), our values (what is important to us), our emotions and our own past experience.

Beliefs (or the rules we live by) then, tend to have been learnt during our lifetime and they are very powerful as they do not tend to be based on reality, just something that we hold to be true. They may not even be our own beliefs, just ones we have inherited from other influential people in our lives and that may not always be a good thing!

In most cases our beliefs work well for us, (fire will burn, the sun is warm, our family love us) but as in the case of the Fat Frog, sometimes they do not.

During my training as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, we were shown 3 types of belief issues that may arise when seeing clients:

·         Hopelessness – Where a person believes a positive outcome is not possible, so why  even try
·         Helplessness – Where a person believes that they are not able to do something
·         Worthlessness – Where a person believes they don’t deserve something/someone and then sabotage anything that may prove the belief wrong.

Part of our role as a Cognitive Hypnotherapists is to get to those underlying unhelpful beliefs that may no longer working for  the client and explore different ways in helping the client to change them. Beliefs that can result in decision making may not be full of confidence, may cause undue stress and anxiety or comes from low self esteem.

In my Journey’s of Discovery series, I look at the different ways we react in our world, including decision making. If you would like to know more come along to the event on 1st November in Basingstoke, check out the details here https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/279363592183467/ . Alternatively you could call me now on 07843 271 249 to discuss how we might be able to work together or just like  my FB page to keep up to date with what is going on https://www.facebook.com/#!/KimSearleHypnotherapy

Friday 5 October 2012

Who can forget Matt Lucas’ Hypnotist character Kenny Craig and his immortal words  Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around my eyes, look into my eyes….you're under
Most people’s impressions of hypnotherapy, comes from similar stage and TV shows, as well as from the idea of an old man using a pocket watch to induce a hypnotherapeutic trance.
"So what is hypnotherapy?" I am asked frequently. 
Whilst I cannot remember the first time I was hypnotised formally, I do know that the hypnotic state (also known in the trade as a trance) is one that I and many others, easily move in and out of on a regular basis during the day.
You know what I am talking about, particularly when I say have you ever found yourself having driven for several miles without being aware of doing so.
Or maybe you have been so engrossed in doing something you had no idea where the time has gone?
Perhaps you have been concentrating on what you were doing, and someone has said something that made you jump, because you have been completely unaware of what is going on around you.
This is the altered state or trance which results when a person narrows their focus of attention.
I like to close my eyes when I am hypnotised, purely  because I can focus on what is being said and to limit the distraction of everything around me, but I have seen people who prefer to keep their eyes open, only closing them once they feel comfortable to do so. 

Usually there is some form of induction, (although this is not always necessary) that helps the client relax and to get in the right state. This might be something like "And as you sit there with your eyes closed, you can begin to relax, noticing your breathing, in...and out and with each easy breath in you can begin to ...." once the client is relaxed, a Cognitive Hypnotherapist (my particular training of hypnotherapy) will then move onto the desired positive states that has been discussed with you.

They say that your mind is like a parachute - best when open, and in this instance it is true. 

Whilst your conscious mind keeps busy with what is being said (your desired state, using your words), your unconscious mind focuses on the meanings that are relevant for you and this is what makes it completely unique for you - clever eh? And this approach works for most things, more happiness, greater peace, calm, relaxation, more confidence, less stress, anxiety, as well as typical issues such as phobia's and habits etc.

To end the session, you will either be counted back into the room, or something like "and with each deep breath  you take you can feel more energised and ready to come back to the now"

Contrary to popular opinion, you are in control at all times. I have been known to open my eyes to discuss something that came up during a  session, and after having dealt with it, closed my eyes re-entering a state of relaxation.
Responses to the hypnotic state can vary from  drifting away to somewhere very lovely, to remaining conscious all the way through.

Invariably, the hypnosis may not seem long enough!